A Clean Slate. Goodbyes. New Beginnings. Heartbreak. Faith

In two weeks I am leaving for college.

I am packing up my life, and my horse and heading out on my own.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared or uneasy or nervous because I am. I am terrified but at the same time I am so excited. This is the moment I have been waiting for my whole life and up until now this is where I feel God leading me. I feel His peace and His direction.

In the past month I have had some serious health issues arise which have held setbacks and required a new level of walking by faith for me. There is so much that is unknown. I am not guarenteed tomorrow and I want to not hold back and live up each day for Christ as though it is my last. In the last year, God has called me to surrender absolutely every part of my life and in doing so He has given me a clean slate as I head off to this new chapter in my life.

I hate goodbyes. Saying goodbye to my friends is going to hurt, I will miss them so much but I know that God is calling me to Blackhawk for right now. I love my friends. (you all know who you are :) ) God has used them in huge ways in my life but there is a time for goodbye and new beginnings. Our friendship may become long distance but my love for them will not change, and I will still make sure I see and talk to them.

I am going to miss my family. I don't have words for how much I love them and how hard it will be to not be at football games on Friday nights this fall to support my Dad. Growing up is hard but I can rest in knowing that no matter what my family will always love and support me. Even if I'm away from home.

My heart my break as I say my goodbyes and load up my life in two weeks but I choose to walk by faith into this next chapter and I believe that what God holds in store is going to be amazing. I will have Zi with me as we embark on this journey together. I don't know what the future holds, right now I'm taking it one day at a time and seeing where God guides my path.

Jeremiah 29:11
Romans 8: 24-25

Walking by Faith

Life has no guarentees. Tomorrow is never for sure.

In coming weeks I must face my fear and face the unknown. I am terrified. I want to fall apart and break down. I want to give in to fear. I want to hide and pretend everything is okay. But God is bigger.

God is showing me what it truly means to walk by faith and not by sight. If I knew why things were happening the way that they are...it would not be living by faith. I can't see the big picture. I can only see what is in front of me. I trust that I am in God's hands. He will never let me go. He will not forsake me. I can not allow fear to cripple me. I will not let it define who I am. I choose to walk by faith because my life is God's. He knows best. I trust that no matter what happens it is His will and I am going to live it out.

I want to look at trials as an opportunity to live out 2 Corinthians 5:7. God uses trials to refine our faith and when I look at them that way it changes the entire perspective. Regardless of what the coming weeks bring, I choose to walk by faith and not by sight and follow the path that God paves for me.

Hebrews 11

Don't hold back

Life is short. Life has no guarentees. Live it up. Love unconditionally and without holding back today. Tomorrow is not for sure.


I have really been reflecting on how I live day to day. I get up, go to the barn, play with and ride Zi, hang out with my family, hang out with my friends, go to caribou, drink coffee, read, journal, go back to the barn and then I sleep. The same routine repeats. I don't want to get stuck in that routine. I want to not hold back, I feel like it is so easy to get caught up in day to day living and waste time. I want to invest in relationships and pour myself into those and love without holding anything back and stop worrying about tomorrow. Leave no words unsaid and open my heart and live every day as though it is my last.

Song of Songs 8:6-7 For love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.

Love is powerful. Don't hold it back. Love today. It has been close to my heart to not worry about tomorrow and love unconditionally and live it up fearlessly for Christ right now with the time I have and keep an eternal perspective.

2 Corinthians 4:18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.