Saying Goodbye

I hate goodbyes. They suck. I dread them.

This week I have to say goodbye to someone who has been a major part of my life the last five years. He was there when my world fell apart freshman year, he was the shoulder I would cry on, he would listen when I had no one else to talk to, he stole my heart. My horse, Magi has been my gift from the Lord. God gave him to me at a time when I needed him. God used him to teach me and to mold me into who I am today. I remember being a 13 year old who stared into the eyes of a four year old Arabian horse and saw part of myself. Magi knew me, he was used by God to teach me and to help me through the darkest time in my life.

Now, five and a half years later I have to say goodbye to the one who has taught me so much. I say goodbye to my best friend, my greatest teacher and to the one who has held my heart and helped to ignite my passion for horses. I know that this is what is best and that this is what God wants. Above everything, I see that God gave me Magi for a season when I needed him and now God is taking him away and giving him a chance to be there for someone else who needs him more than I do. My heart is breaking and I hurt and I cry but God holds my tears and God is the one who is my passion and my everything. He is with me in this. I am not alone.

Magi,

I love you. Those three words don't hold enough meaning to express how I feel about you and how much I care and how much you have meant to me in the last five and a half years. You taught me so much and I know that I've not always given you my best but you always forgive. I look in your eyes and I see acceptance, I see hope, love, beauty, confidence, trust and I see a reflection of my heart. God has blessed me with you and He has used you to grow me, to stretch me and to mold me. Thank you for being there when I needed you, thank you for letting me sob into your shoulder and for letting me soak your mane with my tears. Thank you for making me laugh, and for giving me joy and for blessing me with rides that I will never forget. I am sorry that I have to leave you. This is what is best even though neither of us can see it right now. I'm sorry I can't be enough for you and I'm sorry that we couldn't make this last but God has victory in this. I love you. I will always love you. When you leave in that trailer on monday, part of my heart will leave with you.

Some may think it's insane that a horse means this much to me and has taught me this much. But God works in mysterious ways and God has used Magi to grow me. He brought Magi into my life when I needed him and is now taking him away. I will surrender to His throne and my heart will be filled with my passion for Christ and for who He is because He is enough even in the midst of this pain.

Goodbyes suck. Yet God is in the midst of them and eases the pain.

Goodbye Magi. I will always love you.

You will always be in my heart.

Job 1:21-22 The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; May the name of the Lord be praised

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, "plans to proser you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.