Life is a journey that constantly has so many twists and turns that can hurt yet be so joyful. I love that in the midst of them God is always there. I've come to discover in the last five months that God is truly my only constant. I can't rely on anything in this world because it will fail me. Friends will fail me. Regardless of how much I love them or how much they love me (or say they do) they will fail me because of human nature but God is so much bigger and He never fails. Being able to rest in that is such a comfort.
I had a in depth conversation with Courtney and Elizabeth about friendships the other day and just to see how God is working in them both is beyond inspiring to me, I love how they are so transparent with what God is teaching them. It made me realize though how true it is that God is really our only constant and as women of Christ we need to seek after what He has and live that out. We need to own it. I love that.
I took Zi to the 4H overnight last weekend and it was amazing. He did so much better than I had anticipated and maybe it was because of my growth as a horseman and rider. I went without feeling like I had to prove myself to anyone and I just focused on my horse and what he needed. He never even blinked at the train and I was able to play with and ride him in the arena. Katie was there with Ari and having her there was a blessing and seeing how she worked with Ari was a true testament to horsemanship. I don't think I've ever been more proud of her :)
In the last week I've had to face something that I haven't wanted to admit. I lost some confidence with Zi because of Magi leaving and just doubting myself because of health and situations. One thing with Zi that is so evident is he is so in tune to me as a leader and if I am not mentally "fit" enough he loses confidence. It's been a threshold for me to work through as a horseman and rider because I feel ashamed admitting I have allowed confidence to escape me in the last week.
The bottom line is I miss Magi. I miss childhood and I am afraid. I feel like there is this choice looming in front of me. I can choose to allow God to work through this and be fearless for Him and pursue my future with Him by my side and Zi or I can choose to constantly be looking back to Magi and my past. I have struggled with grief, anger and bitterness because of saying goodbye to Magi. I hate being that transparent but it's the truth. I keep running into God's arms and just pouring out my hurting heart and offering it up and I now have a choice. God is not calling me to be comfortable. He is calling me to live outside my comfort zone and be better utilized for Him. Yes I am hurting and I miss Magi but I am outside my comfort zone and God has blessed me with Zi and an opportunity to utilize my talents and give my best. I need to take it. Fearlessly.
Hello Kayla, Thank you for sharing your heart, your journey. You are an inspiring young woman. Do you know that your character & your journey with Magi, which you shared so much of on the Parelli Savvy Club was a major reason for ARI to be offered to Katie. Of course Katie's character and her heart & desire to grow as a horseman were so very important too. May the pain of parting with Magi lesson each day. I wish you all the BEST. Kind Regards, Colleen
ReplyDeleteKayla, I wish you only the best on your journey. Only when we leave our comfort zone, will we grow and progress. Growth is uncomfortable and can be painful. But when we emerge on the other side, we will be better. Good, better, best, never let it rest.
ReplyDeleteSending lots of good energy your way!
Yours,
Petra Christensen
Parelli 1Star Junior Instructor
Thank you both so much! Your support and thoughts are so greatly appreciated and needed. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteColleen, I had no idea that my journey with Magi helped to make the decision to offer Ari to Katie. Thank you for that. Again, God is using your encouragement to help and it is so appreciated. Thank you!
-Kayla
Kayla, "You are most certainly Welcome! And had we thought you would,/could be wanting another horse then, one would have been offered to you.too.
ReplyDeleteConnie actually did send a message to you, with video of a lovely bay NSH mare, when I noticed your Want Ad on the Savvy Club, just before you found Zi, but I suspect it got lost in Cyber Space.
The mare was just one choice, among a few others. Like AZAMAE, Ari's beautiful pinto half-sister. I know you have the handsome Zi now & are forming a great partnership, but if ever you are looking for a second horse, do check with us." Warm Regards, Colleen
I am sorry I never got that message from Connie! And I definitely will come to you if I am ever looking for another horse. Thank you:)
ReplyDelete-Kayla