Letting Love Live On

I miss Magi.

The pain of letting go has nearly torn me apart.

God is so in the midst of this though, his peace and comfort transcend all understanding and have carried me through a week that I did not humanly have the strength for.

I had a realization this weekend. Yesterday I had a not so great session with Zi... it wasn't anything that he did it was just that mentally I could not get myself together. I wasn't enough of a leader for him. Today, I went out to the barn and spent 20 minutes playing at liberty in the pasture. At the end of it he cantered over to me and stopped in front of me and I slowly sank down to my knees in the grass. I sensed that he was unconfident and by lowering my center of gravity I was less threatening. He nuzzled my head and then stepped closer and lowered his head into my lap. I rubbed him and we sat like that for what seemed like hours. It was then that I realized in the week since Magi has left I have closed my heart up.

I've been too afraid to let go and let myself love Zi the way he deserves because I'm afraid of being hurt again. In doing that I've not allowed God to have the victory He wants to have in my life. I have been issued a challenge. A challenge to let love live on and open up my heart and love unconditionally and unceasingly no matter how the relationship or friendship ends. I choose to let love live on. Yes I still hurt, I still cry and I still miss Magi but God is growing me and right now He is stretching me and helping me to see that I need to choose to let love back into my heart and to embrace it with every fiber of my being.

God is love.