Trust

I know I have been bad at this whole updating thing, which is my fault because I have allowed myself to get way too busy at school. I think everything that God did in my life when I was in San Diego this summer has completely carried over into this school year.

I started this semester with an excitement to see what God would do, I was focused and ready for judging at the two biggest contests of my career the Quarter Horse Congress and the AQHA World show. Looking back.. it makes me so sick to my stomach to think that I doubt God sometimes and His plan. At the beginning of the semester, I once again allowed fear and doubt to creep into my mind and I kept listening to satan's lies of "you aren't good enough; why would you even try?" I tried to do things on my own and I was consumed with the idea of perfection. In my mind, in order to be used I had to be at this amazing perfect place spiritually and I had to have it all together.

I wonder if God finds humor in our human ways of thinking. How could I ever try to be enough for the creator of the universe and pretend like I am capable on my own? How ridiculous is that!? Anyway, at the Congress I completely caved and crumbled... I made everything about me and lost my focus. After that trip to Ohio, God showed up in ways that I still am in awe of. He used my judging coach and his wife to minister to me and speak to my heart in a way that could only be the Holy Spirit. It was as if this curtain was lifted from my eyes and I realized who I am and why I'm here. I am Christ's. I have been living in the shadow of doubt for way too long... now is the time to be and to choose to be who God has called me to be. I don't have to be in a "perfect" place spiritually to be used by Him. The truth is, I don't have it all together and I am absolutely nothing without Christ and that is why I am so content. Because of my Lord:) This semester has been refining my character and brought me to a new intimacy with the Lord that I never knew was possible. I've learned to rely on Him in ways that I've never had to before.

I don't know where I'm going to be next year... I don't know where I'll end up. I don't know how I'll pay for next year. But I trust that God has it planned out and I know He will provide and no matter what I will be more than okay because I am His. I feel like right now I'm really being called by Him to go and try to find a job working for a trainer near the Chicagoland area next year...which is so different from what all my peers are telling me but who am I to doubt God's call for my life? I will give my all and work my butt off in this horse industry and to try and find a trainer to work for and establish a business and allow myself to be used in the horse world because that is the passion God has given me and where He has called me to be. I will not be moved. I am standing on the Rock of Christ and I work, I breathe, I live, I love, my heart beats entirely for serving Him.

I love how God works. I love this constant and beautiful journey of life that constantly brings us closer to His heart.

Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."